As children, most of us were not well trained around emotions. We were not trained how to deal with the poor behaviour of others: their anger, meanness, manipulatio
n, or their incompetency dealing with their own emotions. In short, many of us have ‘TRAINED incompetence’ around emotions. But this doesn’t mean we don’t HAVE competence – we just weren’t trained in it.
If we weren’t well trained around emotions as children, what this can sometimes do is allow us to be open to others having power over us. Typically, a person who takes power over us and abuses this power has narcissistic tendencies. They can prey (overtly or covertly) on our incompetency around emotions.
To use the word ‘incompetency’ is not in any way designed to cause shame – quite the opposite. What I’m saying here is, ‘you don’t know what you don’t know.’ Nothing about abuse of power, or abuse in general, is okay.
Where possible, we must have the willingness and determination to take on developing our own emotional competence. This will require us to – for example – learn more about keeping up our boundaries and our assertiveness.
Don’t let anyone steal pieces of your precious soul, your dignity, or your dreams. Live into goodness. Surround yourself with genuine, caring folk. Educate yourself, via online means, or by affiliating with groups or professionals who understand conditions, circumstances or people, that may have impacted you negatively or traumatically – past or present. Continue to learn about your own emotional world, heal and grow the parts you can.
Cultivate dignity, respect, self-esteem and civility…and never, ever, clip your wings for another human being.
Louise Beker, author of ‘The Bright New Dawn’ and ‘Her Eight Limbs of Love’
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